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Abuse and Safety



What is Domestic Abuse?

According to the United Nations: “Domestic abuse can be defined as a pattern of behavior in any relationship that is used to gain or maintain power and control over an intimate partner. It can occur within a range of relationships including couples who are married, living together or dating. Domestic violence affects people of all socioeconomic backgrounds and education levels.”


Who is considered a victim?

Domestic Abuse can occur in a diverse range of relationships including those who are dating, married, common law, living together or living separate. Any one can be a victim of domestic violence regardless of age, race gender, sexual orientation, religion, class, educational or socioeconomic background. Domestic abuse can also affect children and other family and/or household members.

Types of Domestic Abuse


Control

  • Controlling behaviour is used to assert dominance over a victim. This behaviour is often subtle and hard to recognize, but manipulative and pervasive.

  • Examples of controlling behaviour can include monitoring phone calls, always checking the mileage on the car after usage, not allowing the victim to see or speak to certain individuals for no apparent reason, ext.


Physical

  • Physical abuse can be classified as any behaviour that is aggressive, physically harmful, any intentional act causing injury or trauma to another person by way of bodily contact, threat of physical abuse or withholding physical needs,




Sexual

  • Sexual abuse is often exploitative and forceful and can be defined as unwanted sexual activity, with perpetrators using force, making threats or taking advantage of victims not able to give consent. Sexual abuse can involve physical and/or verbal actions.

  • It is important to remember that just because consent was given once, that does not mean consent is going to be given always or should be assumed.

  • Sexual abuse can occur in many different forms including but not limited to exploiting an individual who can not or has not given consent, or making offensive statements towards someone’s body, sexuality, ext.

Emotional Abuse and Intimidation

  • Emotional abuse is any behavior that exploits anther’s vulnerability, insecurity, or character. This can include continuous degradation, intimidation, manipulation, brainwashing, or control of another to the detriment of the individual

  • This can include: Insulting or criticizing to undermine the victim’s self-confidence, threatening or accusing, either directly or indirectly, with intention to cause emotional or physical harm or loss, and using reality distorting statements or behaviors that create confusion and insecurity

Isolation

  • By keeping the victim from seeing who they want to see, doing what they want to do, setting and meeting goals, and controlling how the victim thoughts and feelings, the perpetrator is isolating the victim from the resources (personal and public) which may empower them



Verbal

  • Verbal abuse is any abusive language used to denigrate, embarrass, or threaten the victim

  • Coercion, threats, and blame

Economic

  • Financial abuse to control the victim


What is Safety Planning?

Safety planning is a type of proactive planning which is meant to assist individuals in creating safer environments for themselves.

The goal of safety planning is to help individuals identify practical options to create a plan that will increase their safety and decrease their exposure to harm by assessing their current situation and safety needs. This includes developing strategies to help implement this plan. Although planning does not guarantee safety, it can assist in de-escalating a situation or potentially avoiding it all together. Safety planning helps to empower individuals by allowing them to feel empowered and in control.


How to Create a Safety Plan

Interactive Guide to Help you Create your Safety Plan: https://www.thehotline.org/plan-for-safety/create-a-safety-plan/

A safety plan will look different for different people, that is why it is important to create one custom to you are your needs. Safety planning will be most effective if it highlights the struggles and harms that you are balancing to make an informed decision on appropriate next steps to take to increase your safety. There are many approaches you can take to assess your own personal situation to help you create your individualized safety plan. Here are some things to consider when evaluating your current situation:


Self-assessment Tool for Creating a Safety Plan


1. Can you recognize any past, present, or potential future threatening situations? How will those situations cause harm or loss?

  • Any type of recognizable abusive behaviour

  • This can include threatening talk (even if it is subtle and disguised as “caring”)

  • EX: “If you’d have dinner ready on time, I wouldn’t get so angry.”

  • Is there a pattern of threatening/abusive behaviour?

2. What kind of harms and/or threats does this behaviour represent to you?

  • Here, think about your beliefs, goals, and commitments and how your current situation is affecting them.

  • How will these beliefs, goals, and commitments be affected after implementing and consistently using your safety plan?

  • How do these beliefs, goals, and commitments influence your coping strategies?


3. How does your current situation affect you emotionally and mentally?

  • Are you neutral about your current situation, is it stress evoking, do you feel helpless, sad ext.

4. Who is being positively and negatively impacted by your current situation?

  • What environmental resources are available to you?

  • What social support are you located near (EX: Family, shelters, ext.)

  • What financial resources do you have access to?

  • Is it possible for you to keep some extra cash hidden somewhere so that you always have some emergency money?


Have you ever tried to do something to protect yourself, but you found that the violence was worse when you did this? What was it? Why do you think this happened?

What else do you think you could do to protect yourself that would not cause negative backlash


How easy is it for you to leave your house quickly currently? What gets in your way when you try to leave?


Is there anything you can do that will make it easier for you if you must leave the house quickly?


Are there areas in your home that are safer than others?

  • rooms with exit doors, windows, or a phone to call for help.

  • Can you get to these areas quickly?



Is there a safe place in the community where you could go if you wanted to?

  • A family members house

  • A local shelter

Is there something you could do or say to your children so they would know to get to a safe place as soon as possible?


Is there something you could do or say to someone else that you trust to let them know you need help?

  • EX: A code phrase to let someone you trust know that you are in danger such as calling a friend and saying: “I have to spend the whole day doing laundry”


How could you and your children practice the things you do to improve your safety so that you don’t even need to think about what you are going to do?





Who can be a part of your safety plan so that they can try to get help for you if you are ever in a situation where you cannot ask for help for yourself?

What role do you think professional support can play in your safety plan?


References:


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