We all need people. Feeling like you belong, knowing that others care for you as well as caring for others is an essential part of being human. Having social supports, like family, friends, coworkers, and neighbours can be really helpful in managing daily responsibilities, solving problems, coping with stress, and improving our overall health. Social support is even more important when we are going through hardship or when we are unwell, physically, or emotionally. The support you have in your life can help you heal faster, build resiliency, and maintain a positive mental health in times of need. Your social network is not limited to the people in your personal life but can include professionals like doctors, counsellors, peer support workers and even the hobbies and activities you enjoy with others. Our wellbeing is directly related to the different relationships and activities that benefit us and that we enjoy.
There are many types of social support:
Emotional support:
Sometimes you just want to talk to someone about your thoughts and feelings. This doesn’t mean finding solutions to your problems, but you just want to know that someone cares and that you are not alone. Having people in your life that support you emotionally can give you the strength needed to overcome your struggles. This could also be a professional like a counsellor or a peer support worker.
Seeking advice:
When we have a problem we don’t know how to deal with, we need to be able to reach out to people to ask for advice or information. Sometimes this can look like searching something on the internet or reaching out to organizations that can help.
Practical support:
We all need help sometimes when our responsibilities or chores can feel overwhelming. It can be really helpful to have someone in your life you can go to offer you a meal when you are sick or watch your child when you have something to do.
These are just a few supports that many of us need but there are definitely many more. Can you think of any that you need in your life?
Challenges
It is not always easy to reach out for help. It may feel uncomfortable talking about your experiences, you may be scared they won’t understand, you may wonder how others could even help, or even think that you are a burden when asking for help. Remember, everyone needs help. Remind yourself that there is no shame in asking for help.
Sometimes the supports in our lives may not be helpful for what we need at the moment. It may take time to build those relationships that we need in our life. We should try to find the supports that we can reach with what we have at the time. Different people can offer certain supports. Know who you can go to for support because not everyone can offer you what you need. Remember, there is always help out there.
Understanding Boundaries
While it is great to have people in our lives who we can support and who can support us, it is also important that we are putting ourselves and our health first. The best way to do this is through establishing personal boundaries.
What are Boundaries?
Boundaries are the limits and rules we set for ourselves in relationships. Setting boundaries in relationships helps others understand how you’d like to be treated, what you are okay with and what you don’t like. Building boundaries is about making sure you feel safe within your relationships to be open and honest without harming yourself. It is not always an easy or simple process. It may feel like we are being rude or asking for too much. A better way to think about boundaries is it means putting yourself first. When making boundaries it can take a lot of time, mistakes, and patience, but it is important for your wellbeing.
Common Misconception
Boundaries are not selfish. They are meant to protect your wellbeing and keep you safe from burnout, mental health problems, and getting hurt. A lot of the time, people feel guilty when setting boundaries, which is natural, especially as women because we are told to me be selfless and to do everything we can for the people in our lives. If you do feel guilty when setting boundaries, it is not because you are doing something wrong.
Benefits of having boundaries
Improve your relationships à Making your needs and expectations are met
Increase your confidence à You are taking more control over your own life
Build your self-awareness à You know who you are, what you want or don’t want in your life
Help with your healing journey à You are taking care of your needs first
What do boundaries look like?
Boundaries can look different with different people and in different settings. For example, with family members you may be more open, while at work you may be more protective over your personal information. What matter is that you choose your boundaries and what you are comfortable with in the different areas of your life.
Culture can make boundaries look very different for everyone. In some cultures, saying no can be very disrespectful and oversharing with loved ones may be encouraged and valued. This is simply a general guide so find the balance that works for you and enforce the boundaries that you are comfortable and happy with.
They are many different types of boundaries that we can implement in our lives. Here are some types of boundaries that can be important to think about.
Boundaries with Yourself
While setting boundaries with other is important, sometimes the process of setting boundaries starts with yourself. This is a great way to take care of your own needs and making sure that we are safe and healthy. This can look as simple as making sure to brush your teeth every night or making sure to take breaks when you need it. Boundaries is a way to honor your needs and show yourself some love.
Strategies for Establishing Boundaries
Setting boundaries will look different for everyone and it depends on the things you value in your life. Here are some ways to start:
Check in with yourself. Notice the things that make you happy and give you energy but also look at what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed. This is a great way to reflect on the things that are impacting your mental health.
There will be out of your control, like the actions of other people, so it is important to focus on the things that you can control and figure what changes you can make.
Accept that you would like to set a boundary and that it may be difficult. This may be hard, but you know it is the right thing for you, so you will do it anyway.
Start with something small that you feel you can commit to and need in your life.
Find people who can help you stick to your boundaries. Maybe you can help them with theirs too!
Journaling Prompts
Who are the people that matter most to you in your life?
What is a boundary that you would like to set in your life?
What concerns do you have about set boundaries? What has held you back from setting boundaries in the past?
What do you love about yourself?
